Sunday, June 26, 2011
empty.
I somewhat love your narcissicism because it reminds me of how one can actually be proud and happy of themselves rather than having the lowest self-esteem and being the most negative people.
The 6 months' gap of not blogging had turned out to be what seems like the fastest period of growth for me. Time past so quickly and I can't help but cringe my forehead thinking when on earth would time slow down, or seemingly slow down? Is it when I'm having the best times of my life? No, best times always seem so short and unreal. Is it when I'm having the worst times? Seemingly.
You wake up to a bad memory of your ugly past and you stay in bed thinking deeply about it, and you don't want to get out of bed, afraid that the haunted memory would trace its way to your present. You struggle hard to actually get out of bed and you finally did, because honestly, everyone goes through more or less the same thing, and in your case, you can be counted as the luckier girls. Sometimes, you just don't understand why is it so hard, for you to just be, happy when you've all the things any girl would want, but it's just that way. Happy is not the term for it, because being happy is temporary and unreal. More of having joy, joy that comes with peace and love. Joy that refreshes and lasts.
It all comes from God, and through Him, only through Him, you find real Joy, real Strength, real Rest. (':
,
Sometimes, I just wish blogging is homework. Just saying.
Monday, June 6, 2011
regret.
So much, have changed from last year.
you, are gone, and I can't help but feel a tiny pinch of regret everytime I think ofyou. regretting that, I did not treat you the way I should, or at least, always. regretting that, you're gone and nothing can bring you back. regretting that, I won't be able to drive you around when I rech seventeen, like how you used to sit in the car with me and him driving. regretting that, you won't be able to see me through PMR, and furthermore, college and university. regretting that, I hadn't got the ability to take you out for a grand dinner, to thank you for all that you've done for me. regretting that, I won't be able to show you my report cards anymore. not that I did, since I've always told you my marks. regretting that, I didn't massage your legs and back for you when you did it for me, when I'm tired. regretting that, I didn't spend enough quality time with you. regretting that, I didn't learn how to cook from you, or any recipes from you. regretting that, no matter how much I say now, won't bring you back. regretting that, I didn't bring you overseas. regretting that, I didn't talk to you when I had the time. regretting that, you won't be able to see who I would marry and the kids I might have. regretting that, you wouldn't see what I would become in the future. and really regretting that, I couldn't pay the debt of love from you. I guess I can't call it debt, -I can't show my gratitude.
but I know, as long as you're with Him, I feel at peace. still, I can't seem to accept, the fact that, you're really gone. even if it's already two months. I can't seem to digest it. when I say it, it's like speaking air.
maybe it's not a tiny pinch, rather, a whole tank of regrets.
I truly, miss you.
it's really, really, okay. :)
yknow that feeling, when you've suchh high hopes in people, and when they don't reach your standard, your hopes come crashing down, and shattered into a gazillion pieces, and you don't know who to blame, whether it's them, or your ownself- but you know quite well deep inside, that it's all your fault, to have come up with such a standard that even you yourself can't reach.
and the person who did so, is someone who you love so dearly, and would never let go in any situation, except for their own good.
it's hard, and it's difficult, and on top of that, it's so unpredictable.
one minute s/he can be so, nice, and the other minute, act like you've never existed. it's even, harder, because at times, it just feels like you're being overly emotional, or overreacting- and it's really really your, fault to have brought yourself to this, slight hurt
I've come to learn, after all these years, and I'm sure many out there have too. that, hurts are inevitable and sometimes, unstoppable, but overcoming it and getting over it with God's help, yeah, that just shows your, strong enough. :)
you get a text from one of your very best and oldest friend, asking you if you want to join her for a movie tmrw, and she doesn't know that little smiley face :) that she had added behind- hey pretty, means just so so so much to you, in a time like, -now. you feel so touched, and at this, the world seems slightly a better place to be in. It's like God telling you, it's okay, through a tiny but meaningful act, from someone close. and at this, I smile. :)
Friday, December 24, 2010
Dear Jesus,

Happy Birthday, :')
Thank You
for loving me,
for coming down to earth from Your heavenly glorious throne,
for spending that 33 years on earth,
for taking in insults and persecutions,
for bearing the suffering and mocking,
for dying on the cross,
for being with me every moment of the day,
for loving me eventhough I sinned again and again,
and made you dissapointed more than infinity times.
Thank You for loving me, Beautiful Saviour.
You are truly wonderous and almighty. :)
Wonderful Counsellor, Prince of Peace, Messiah, Jehovah, Son of God, Savior, Jesus Christ, Alpha and Omega, The Almighty God,
I Love You. :')
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
What 3 things do you think will become obsolete in the next ten years?
Hm, iPhone 4, uhm, I can't think of anything else. :/
Friday, October 1, 2010
:D
hiyya im back from quite a long break.
1) hungkit's having his party today, but i cant go.
2) i finished remember me and can you keep a secret? by sophie kinsella within 3 days :)
3) church is on later and i dont know if i want to go.
4) mummy came back from ________ yesterday and she bought use tons of nice stuff. :) flats, heels, jeans, leggings, tees and chocolates. :)
5) im really in a mood to grab brunch now, so till the next update. toodles.
6) and yknow that new counter thing i added, i think it's cool, but i doubt people would come and look at my blog. still. :)
1) hungkit's having his party today, but i cant go.
2) i finished remember me and can you keep a secret? by sophie kinsella within 3 days :)
3) church is on later and i dont know if i want to go.
4) mummy came back from ________ yesterday and she bought use tons of nice stuff. :) flats, heels, jeans, leggings, tees and chocolates. :)
5) im really in a mood to grab brunch now, so till the next update. toodles.
6) and yknow that new counter thing i added, i think it's cool, but i doubt people would come and look at my blog. still. :)
Friday, July 30, 2010
To, You.
I love the security I feel the instant I shout Your name in my head.You've never ever failed to make me feel secure again, and You'd always make me feel a little much more better in bad times. You never leave me and I know You're with me 24/7, in these 14 years, every moment of my life, You were with me. You've known me before I was borned, and You had a plan, a great plan for me. I love You, for creating me, and for loving me, and for holding me tightly.
I love you in your most exhausting state, still get water for me and her when we're in our beds. You would bring us food, when we're hungry and you'd always protect us. You do the best you can in taking care of me. You're different from a lot of other mothers, you're one of a kind. And I don't think I can find anyone on earth, like you. You're mad, but I know you're just worried about us. You loved all of us equally, I know. And I pray that, as you get older, you'll be more and more beautiful.
I love the small little secretive smile you smile when you see something you feel thankful for. No one really notices it, but I do. I love you, and it's nature that I've always wanted to please you. You make a great person, and you play a very important role in my life. You don't hold me like you used to, but I know you love me, just like before. You stand up for me always, and though it fails sometimes, I love you, more than ever.
I love the way you rant about how much you want to buy that pair of football shoes. your consistent persistency to 'sponsor' you, and how you said how cheap and good they're even when they cost a great fortune. you can be so naughty that I'd dig a deep hole and squeeze you inside and then bury you, but you can be the most helpful person, and you can be so mature at your age, you're indirectly caring, and though so many people may take you as childish, I know you are amazing in your very own way. I notice you, and I love you.
I love how I gives in to your cute little plea, your somewhat funny and chubby face makes me thank God more for you everytime I sees it. You can be nice and you can b mean, but I know you, and I know deep inside you, you're soft, and you're amazing. You whine and cry always about how unfair things are, but you never realised that you're one of the luckiest girl on the surface of the earth, and I love you so much.
I love your text messages. Actually, I don't. I love your consistency of sending me the texts. As a cell group leader, you've done more than your best. I really hope you can see this. and as busy as you are, you still find time to listen to my boring and same problems. I know it's frustrating sometimes, but you are just, an amazing person. I love you, for being there for me when I needed you most. You play an important role in my life, and I'd always remember you.
I love how happy I get when I see you running up to me, and giving me your personal hug, something that no one else can give. Your hugs are amazing, and you yourself is an amazing person. I love the way you come back for me, and I wouldn't couldn't ask for a better person than you. You make me mad and when I'm mad at you I would like to punch you really badly in your face, but then you make me really happy at my saddest moments. I would always remember your ever funny face, your funny actions, and your funny words. You're great.
GREAT is the word.
I love how easy going you can be. I just have to pull you and you'd follow, you're not the best person I could go to to tell my problems but you're one great friend. You can be mean at times, but I know you're good inside. You're very easy to pull, all I can say, very fun to be with too. nd I love you the way you are.
I love your cheerful hi's and the warm hugs you sometimes give me. The way you open your eyes wide when there's something fun going on, like a malaysian sale. *hint* you never fail to make me laugh with your silliest jokes, and I believe I do too. Although mine are not as weird and silly as yours. We had been through a lot, and I still love hanging around with you and sometimes asking you for advice.
I love the fact that you can make me sad or happy whenever you want. Well, not always but still. You get mad at me, and after awhile, you would laugh, and befriend me. The way you do things is a little crazy sometimes, but without you, I wouldn't be where I am today, and I love you for standing up for me.
I want to write more, but I should force myself to stop, before I get dizzy and more neckache. till here love. :)
Friday, July 23, 2010
my 200th, :)
Have been contemplating on whether to write here or wordpress, but then I just realised, that if I wrote here, this would be my 200th post. coooliooooo. I know I dont blog much, 'cause I don't see the point sometimes, but maybe, I just want to record down some of the moments in my life, and when I come back here in ten years time, I would smile, and learn from my mistakes, and regain my joy. :)
Guitar class with Wei Xiong would never be boring, he teaches us old stuff, but still. :) he taught me some inversion thing today, and it's really awesome. eeeeh, i have an awesome guitar teacher. :D
Im going on a four-days trip to somewhere*- would buy everyone a souveneir, I'll try my best. :) Im going to miss school, surprisingly, and all the monthly test. somehow I wish I could not go and do my monthly tests but it is confirmed and cannot be changed, so I shall just stick to it :) I wish I could make it up to you, but I don't know how. *twist lips*
AND,
my mummy's friend owe this website, the clothes there are terrific, :) go take a quick peek at :-
yiyibusherachel.blogspot.com
Please, contact me if you want to purchase anything from there. :D
Okay, that's about it. ;) and dont cha love this picture?

hehhh, when I grow up,
:D
Thursday, July 22, 2010
I missed,
the way I held my daddy's hand while sleeping when I was younger,
the way I hugged my mummy,
the way I asked my uncles questions about History,
the way I peek into the kitchen to look at my auntie cooking,
the way I play masak-masak with my sister,
the way I carried my brother around on my shoulders,
the way I asked my kakak to make me french toast,
the way I knock at my parents' bedroom door at midnight- thinking there would be ghosts,
the way I played and talked to my cousins,
the way I tell my friends my secrets without a slight bit of suspect,
the way I wear hello kitty around without feeling ashamed,
the way I watch winx club and totally spies with my sister- eyes glued on the tv screen,
and,
the way I didn't really have to care much about the world.
:'(
the way I hugged my mummy,
the way I asked my uncles questions about History,
the way I peek into the kitchen to look at my auntie cooking,
the way I play masak-masak with my sister,
the way I carried my brother around on my shoulders,
the way I asked my kakak to make me french toast,
the way I knock at my parents' bedroom door at midnight- thinking there would be ghosts,
the way I played and talked to my cousins,
the way I tell my friends my secrets without a slight bit of suspect,
the way I wear hello kitty around without feeling ashamed,
the way I watch winx club and totally spies with my sister- eyes glued on the tv screen,
and,
the way I didn't really have to care much about the world.
:'(
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