f(ul)(oo)l.

empty plate, empty mug, empty heart.

My 14th of Dec, turns out to be not what I expected. Cuddled up in the warmest quilt on one of the most expensive beds in the house, under the newest air conditioner, in the most comfortable home clothes, I feel nothing.

Broken apart for some reasons, numb because of the overuse of tears. Times like these when you ask God, 'why?' What's happening, you don't understand. You don't know why this is happening to you, you don't know how to solve this, you don't know what's right anymore, you're not sure if you were the person you were a month ago, you don't know who to trust anymore, when someone you trust so much, has left you hanging, like how the Bungy Jumping coordinator left you hanging mid-air, forgetting to press the pull button and went for lunch. Being stuck mid-air, is horrifying. Being stuck mid-air gives you horrifying thoughts of what might happen next, if the rope would snap, and you'll plummet ninety feet high and die, or if the Bungy Jumping coordinator would never come back, and leave you there starving,-slow and painful way of dying?

Then you remember the Big Guy, who still loves you, and He's somewhere up there. And if you'd just call out His name, long enough, loud enough, He'll hear you, and He'll press that button. And He'll deliver you from your situation. He'll pull you up, and tell you it's okay, wipe away the frantic tears and the cold sweat. He'll carry you into a warm cafe, sit you down, and buy you your favorite cup of tea. Because He knows. He knows you. He knows why, and He knows you.

And now, you don't feel so empty, after writing this and looking at your empty things.